Make Me Clean by Tina Baker

Author:Tina Baker [Baker, Tina]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

28

Elsie is still agitated when Comfort arrives later that afternoon.

Maria explains about the lunchtime violence, playing it down as best she can, although there’s no easy way to say that the police have been round because Elsie injured a student. She’s worried that this behaviour might cause Comfort to side with Del about shipping Elsie off to a care home.

Elsie seems to have forgotten the tin-lobbing incident. She’s now fixated on her missing letter opener. She gets distressed when she misplaces things.

‘I paid for that with my own money,’ she keeps repeating. ‘I paid for all the stuff in this house. I’ve worked hard for all these … things.’ She jabs her finger around the room. ‘I bought that, and that, and that. And the … that opening thing … letter opener. Where the bloody hell is it?’

You’re best off not remembering, thinks Maria.

She offers the nurse tea.

‘Please. It is cold enough,’ says Comfort, who always settles herself nearest the radiator.

‘But there’s no snow!’ says Elsie. ‘We always had snow before.’

The weather is brutal – metal-grey skies and insidious damp.

‘You had snow before what?’ asks Comfort.

Maria expects her to say global warming, but Elsie ponders, frowns, then exclaims, ‘Before … before Brexit!’

She suddenly sweeps her hand across the table, sending her mug and plate flying. The mug shatters with a crash, although the plate survives. ‘Bastards!’ she rants.

‘Change the subject, please!’ Maria implores Comfort as she gets the dustpan and brush from under the sink.

There’s a hiatus as Comfort tells Elsie she is going to visit her family back in Nigeria in a few weeks’ time and Elsie nods and smiles.

She then asks Maria, ‘How has she been?’

What can Maria say? She sticks to small, safe things – things unlikely to cause another meltdown.

‘She claimed her name was Michelle when we went to the doctors the other day.’

‘She will get more confused and unpredictable as things progress,’ says Comfort.

‘Yes, we know. But the thing was, she told me she’d always wanted to be named Michelle because no one had written a good song about an Elsie. Then, when we got home, she suddenly shouted, “Cabaret!” out of the blue. She’d remembered there’s that line about Elsie in the song, which is more than I did!’

Elsie, now beatifically calm, looks quite pleased with herself.

‘Are you named for Mother Mary?’ Comfort enquires.

‘Probably,’ says Maria. ‘I think my mum …’ The sentence dies in her mouth. Never have I ever had the chance to ask my mum why she called me Maria.

She throws the shards of ceramics into the bin and bustles inside the fridge until she’s calmed herself.

When they say goodbye to Comfort, Elsie settles down to read the Mirror. She can’t seem to focus on a book any longer and she used to love reading. So much of Elsie’s identity is now past tense.

Maria’s own ambitions to see the world also seem past tense. She thinks of what it might be like to travel to Africa like Comfort.

How she would love

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